How to Be Well

What is Well-Being? How do we get it?

The feeling of pure joy, elation, and everlasting happiness is a deep longing for so many people. Actually, I would argue that everyone has this desire. This is why there is a vast expanse of self-help books related to increasing your self-worth, your look, your money, and how others view you – all in an attempt to increase how happy we are. Positive psychologists, a growing field of psychology, have been dutifully studying what causes overall well-being, how this differs from generic happiness, and how we can adapt practices to be happier people.

Despite the consistent belief that ‘if we just had more money, we would be happier’, research has consistently shown that those who have more money are not happier and do not have a greater sense of well-being (Compton, & Hoffman, 2013). Some have suggested that the desire for more money is not connected to just being more happy, but to be more sexually attractive, have a better sense of self-identity within social relationships, and to store resources (Ahuvia, 2008). This is interesting to think about and certainly dives more into the heart issues of why we may want more money. However, none of these things are achieved from just having more dollars in your bank account.

For example, those who won the lottery reported feeling happier for a short time period, but this eventually waned (Anon, 2008; Seligman, 2008). Compare that to those who are regularly engaged in philanthropic work, and we see that those engaging in helping others have lasting joy that stays long after the joy has faded from those who happened upon a greater wealth (Seligman, 2008). This has been further supported with research reporting we aren’t happy when we have more money simply because we are spending it on ourselves too much (Dunn, Gilbert, & Wilson, 2011). Instead, we should be using it to help others or spending it on experiences rather than material possessions.

What research has unearthed is that well-being is not the highest in the richest, but in those who are using their strengths (Compton, & Hoffman, 2013). There are various tests available to test strengths, including a test offered by Martin Seligman, a famous researcher in the field of positive psychology, available at https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/. After identifying what your strengths are, using them as often as possible will most likely increase feelings of overall well-being (Compton, & Hoffman, 2013).

In addition to this, feelings of curiosity, hope, zest, humor, love, kindness, fairness, authenticity, gratitude, and open-mindedness predict life satisfaction (Brdar & Kashdan, 2010; Peterson & Park, 2009). Lastly, having goals that are motivated out of your own desire, realistic, and meaningful are shown to aid in overall well-being (Compton, & Hoffman, 2013). When we talk about PERMA later, we will see that helping others is a huge part of people feeling they having meaning and are part of a bigger picture.

Let’s recap quickly on what we know increases wellbeing so far:

Use of strengths

Goals motivated by your own desires

Feelings of curiosity

Hope

Zest

Humor

Love

Kindness

Fairness

Authenticity

Gratitude

Open-mindedness

Helping Others

Social Media’s Impact on Mental Health

With estimations of 88% of 18-29 year olds, 78% of 30-49 year olds, 64% of 50-64 year olds, and 37% of 65 years and older using social media, it would be naïve to assume social media has no impact on our emotions (Smith & Anderson, 2018).

After a review of some recent research, I found that social media use may actually cause you to have a worse day the more time you spend on it (Hall, Johnson, & Ross, 2019). In addition, those who had social media taken away from them in Hall, Johnson, and Ross’ study (2019) reported spending more time with their children, going out to meet people, and texting their friends rather than scrolling – which are all great things to do rather than sit on your phone and scroll through photos of other people doing those things. Another study also noted that overuse of social media led to a lack of well-being and sense of belonging (Sultan, 2019). The study specifically noted that using Facebook as a means for self-expression was shown to cause a decrease in people feeling like they belong – that’s the opposite affect it’s supposed to have, don’t you think?

Let’s quickly look at what we know to not cause well-being:

Riches

Using money for yourself

Overuse of social media

PERMA (Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Accomplishment)

A well-respected theory presented by Martin Seligman, a master of positive psychology, outlines how well-being is achieved in just 5 areas of life: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Accomplishment (PERMA). More specifically, PERMA is what leads to flourishing, and flourishing to Martin Seligman is the basis of well-being and where studies within positive psychology are headed (Seligman, 2008).

The P of PERMA, positive emotions, suggests trying to smile more, be merry, and laugh often along with living in the moment (Seligman, 2008). However, this alone is ineffective without the other 4 pillars of PERMA. The engagement pillar is an important sector because it suggests being completely preoccupied with whatever it is you are doing, what Seligman calls “flow”. This could happen when listening to music, completing a task one enjoys and/or does well, or watching dancers across a stage for an entire Broadway production. Relationships, obviously, points out that it is important for humans to be in relationship, even though some of us might not be very good at it. Meaning points to the more philanthropic, empathetic parts of our being that are capable of helping and loving others. Lastly, accomplishment, is finding something to master and be proud of. The use of PERMA is growing in psychology and in helping those who achieve well-being, rather than just achieve not being depressed. It also encompasses all of the things we outlined to aid in an overall sense of well-being.

Traditional Psychology

I think it’s important to remember traditional psychology theories when we’re attempting to understand ourselves better. Psychology is constantly growing, and these theories are still being referenced to this day as being explanations for recent research.

Let’s start with Sigmund Freud. Freud was a neurologist that birthed the Psychoanalytical theory (Desai, 2013a). This theory suggested that our behaviors are largely because of our childhood and subconscious motivations. Different from Freud’s perspective that we are largely operating out of things out of our control, the Humanistic theory argued that we are largely operating out of self-will, self-actualization, and conscious choices (Desai, 2013b). The most famous of these theorists was Abraham Maslow, who of course invented Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. He proposed that we must meet our physiological needs before we can meet safety, then love, and lastly self-esteem needs. These were organized in a pyramid layout, hence the “hierarchy” (physiological needs first, self-esteem last).

The Social Cognitive theory presses that our active thoughts are the primary reason for behaviors, emotions, and interactions with others (Bandura, 1997). This theory has been used often when studying humans’ choices when it comes to healthy behaviors, including the use of social media (Lin & Change, 2018). The behavioral theory suggest our personalities are because of the relationship we have with our environment (Desai, 2013c). This theory focuses more on the measured and observed behaviors rather than emotional/cognitive behaviors.

So why have all of these theories circling out there, what’s the point? And why haven’t we settled on one theory as being the truth? Psychology is very complicated. Think about how many different thoughts you have throughout the day. Consider the actions you do—how many of those were conscious and how many were subconscious? Add in the millions of neurons we have on our extremely complex brain, there are MANY unknowns about why we operate the way we do. In addition, we cannot assume everyone is the same and that one theory will work for explaining everyone’s minds. However, all of these theories are important to consider when thinking about how our own brain works and what we think makes the most sense for us. Identifying with theories can help us to understand ourselves and find more well-being in who we are.

How to Be Well

So how do we do it? How are we supposed to maximize our well-being? Well, based on what I discussed, it will take work. First, we need to watch how much social media we are engaging in. If you are a frequent user, make sure you are following accounts and friends with others online who encourage you and make you feel empowered, rather than people who instill negativity and ill-thoughts. Second, execute PERMA in your life: radiate positive emotions, be engaged in life, focus on your relationships, partake in things you find meaningful, and make sure you are regularly giving yourself the opportunities to feel accomplished. Lastly, pay attention to psychological research and what is constantly being unearthed about the human mind. It is extremely helpful for understanding ourselves and growing in who we are – therefore leading to a greater sense of well-being.

References

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